My sister during the pandemic:

“All this time I thought today was Thursday.”
“All I do is eat now because I’m bored.”
“I was up until 7am watching Disney+.”

She shares Instagram stories laying in bed with the TV on in the background and a time stamp of 1:03pm. Or selfies with filters that give her bambi eyes and freckles. Or screenshots of her character in Animal Crossing in some new outfit.

Usually, as her older sister and a type 3 on the Enneagram, I’d press her to make better use of her time, be a little more disciplined, a little more productive.

But we’re going through a global crisis. This pandemic has left my sister on furlough, relying on unemployment, uncertain about the future. It’s okay to spend some time lying face down on the floor. I admire that she’s not performative on social media, instead she’s authentic. She doesn’t think too much when she posts, she just wants to share what she’s up to.

There’s this pressure for people to make the most of their time right now. My Instagram is filled with people baking sourdough bread or knitting lavender sweaters or starting watercolor tutorials. They’re cooking gourmet meals and taking casual ten mile runs.

And that’s wonderful. For some people it’s therapeutic to reorganize the pantry or complete some Pinterest project. I love using productivity as a coping mechanism. I’ve recently painted a table, repotted some plants, and deep-cleaned the fridge.

But people process difficult experiences differently. And I don’t want to shame people who aren’t coping the same way.

It helps to remember we have each been impacted in varying degrees. People have lost their jobs, have lost loved ones, have lost hope. Some people are working from home in their beautiful bohemian-style loft, others are struggling to keep their elementary kids still during online classes. Some are working extra shifts in different units of the hospital, others are unemployed and don’t know how they are going to pay rent.

There’s no right way to handle this. We’re all doing the best that we can. You’re doing just fine.

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“You’re doing just fine.” I’m saying this to myself too. I haven’t posted since the first week of the mandated shelter in place. Some people have noticed, wondering why I haven’t been writing. I was starting to feel a bit of that shame I mentioned above. I have reduced hours at work, I should have more time to write. But I often use productivity as a form of procrastination to avoid other things. Rewriting and editing and posting can be exhausting. There’s a lot my heart has had to take in during this pandemic. And it’s been a lot easier to grab my journal and do messy stream of consciousness stuff without worry of it sounding pretty or making sense to anyone but me. I think that’s why I admire my sister so much. She doesn’t care about performance, she let’s herself be genuine. So here I am, trying to do the same with you right now. Thanks for listening.