I came home for a day to spend time with my little brother. He called asking me to bake cookies with him. He’s only in the fourth grade, and it’s been hard balancing coming home to be a part of his life, while living my own life away from home.

I took the drive back on my next free day, with the thought we’d bake some cookies, maybe go to the movies, hangout at the park. But when I arrived, we ended up spending most of the day laying in his bed watching Netflix on my laptop. That’s all he wanted to do. We heated up some brownies, added some spoonfuls of ice cream, and watched cartoons.

This was not how I wanted to spend my time with him. I’m not home often, so I wanted it to be a bit of a special day for us. Do something, go somewhere. I had driven all the way there, but we just ended up sitting in his room and watching tv shows. I felt like we had wasted the day.

But then it struck me. It was enough for him to waste the day with me. He didn’t want much, just to sit in the same room, even if he would occasionally go on his ipad as the cartoon played in the background. As I left that night he hugged me and already asked when I’d come back home.

Time with a person doesn’t have to be all special moments, all excitement, energy and activity. It’s the simple, consistent moments that make up the good stuff in a relationship. Just showing up and being present, sitting on a couch and watching reruns. The type of relationships that don’t need performance.

I like quiet moments by myself, but it’s a habit to try and make moments special with other people. Much of this stems from wanting to be worth their time.

And I’ve kept going back to that thought during this season of thanks. During one of my Friendsgiving dinners, we went around and shared what we were grateful for.

I’m thankful for relationships that don’t ask for much, just for me. I’m grateful for slowly letting go of performance, and learning presence is enough.