A couple years ago, I spent my birthday in Zimbabwe. I ended the night holding hands with some friends, counting to three, and jumping into a pool with our clothes on.

Sounds like a great story, but it was actually one of the hardest days on the year-long missions trip for me. I had to keep fighting these questions of self-worth, doubtful of all the love I was receiving from those around me.

I felt wrong for feeling this way. People greeted me, hugged me, laughed with me. I was (supposed to be) caught by surprise (but I kinda figured it out beforehand) when I walked into the dining hall and everyone started singing happy birthday and brought out a giant cake filled with candles. A friend made me a card filled with words that felt honest and real and full of love. Another friend gifted me a book filled with her thoughts in the margins, highlights and underlines and circled passages. She said it helped her through the last year and thought I’d appreciate it. I did.

Yet at the end of the night, I was relieved it was over. I went to sleep ready to move on to the next day.

This is just proof that sometimes your feelings don’t match your circumstances and that’s okay. Feel how you feel. It’s real, though not always reality.

A few days after my birthday, I processed my thoughts in my journal. I felt a little better, though the feelings lingered for a time. Reflecting and processing my emotions helped me work through my feelings of insecurity and lack of value.

Note your feelings and reflect on them. Feelings are never wrong, but they should be reconsidered. As we evaluate our heart and shift our thoughts, our emotions may follow, eventually.

My birthday was a couple days ago, and the same feelings came around, a little unexpectedly because I always think I’m past feeling this type of way. I took out my journal today to reflect and reconsider. And I’m already feeling much better.

Journaling might not be your thing, maybe it’s painting the colors you feel, maybe it’s verbally processing with a friend. I encourage you to find out the best way for you to note your feelings and reflect, and do it.