I am a barista at a local coffee shop only a fifteen minute walk from my place in the city.

A woman orders a mocha, less sweet, with almond milk. She takes a seat and pulls out a container of hummus and cucumber slices, casually snacking as she waits for her drink. She looks so put together in her structured blazer and excellent posture. She must get eight hours of sleep and enjoys grapefruit for breakfast every morning. I’d like to be like her.

There’s this girl who comes in, in an oversized denim jacket. She’s got short wavy hair, thick eyelashes, and smoothly applied eyeliner. Her usual is a large latte with four shots. She stands to the side, looking at her phone as she waits for her drink. She must have a dozen texts from a dozen people who want to hang out with her on Friday night. I’d like to be like her.

Another young woman quickly puts up a messy bun of washed-out pink-dyed hair. She slouches as she sloppily eats her breakfast burrito, hot sauce dripping. It looks like she threw on whatever was clean and somehow the outfit works. She doesn’t have a care in the world. I’d like to be like her.

I look across the coffee bar and see all these different women I wish I was. But if they’re all so different what is it I really want from each of them?

And I’ve realized it’s not how they dress or sit or eat. It’s how comfortable they seem in who they are. I’ve tricked myself into thinking it’s their clothes or hair or figure that is the key to my happiness. But I know what I want, what I really want.

I want to be so comfortable in my own skin that my beauty seems effortless.

What’s wild is I’m sure that as secure as they seem, they probably have the same insecurities, the same misplaced idea of how to achieve the very confidence I think they carry.

It’s because I only have a view of the outside, not the inside.

I’m certain some of these girls I’d like to be like, are internally working out their self-worth too. And some of these girls I’d like to be like, would like to be like me. They see me across the coffee bar in my low ponytail and the knot on my shirt and the way I laugh at myself when I mispronounce the tea drink orders.

And acknowledging this is a step. There are things about me others see and like. To really believe that, is to start getting comfortable with who I am.

I hope you can acknowledge this too. Take some time to list the things you like about yourself. And as a challenge, share this list as a comment below. I think sometimes we don’t want to acknowledge our good traits because someone might object, might tell us that those are in fact not traits we actually carry or they aren’t actually good traits to have. But you don’t need other’s validation, you can validate yourself.