The bus said it would arrive at 9:57am. It’s now 10:06am. I’m hunched over my black, moleskine journal in front of the 19th Ave liquor store, using their window ledge as a seat, and writing to make use of the delay.

I’m wearing my distressed Levi jeans I bought at Eco-thrift for $3.00 from the men’s section, folded to expose my black doc martens. I have on a black sweater I asked my sister if I could borrow (indefinitely), and an oversized brown jacket from my grandma’s closet I love too much to ever return. I curled my hair to go for a messy wave look because I don’t like my smooth, straight hair. I think we are often discontent with what we have, and often want what we don’t have. I put on my washed-out grey hat from Costa Rica to finish off my unkempt look. I wonder if anyone driving by thinks I look like a movie scene from an indie film, if I’ve made them curious at all, if they think I’m beautiful.

You ever reach the end of the day and wonder if there was a moment in it where some stranger caught sight of you and thought you were beautiful. A moment you weren’t trying to impress anyone, you were just picking up an avocado at the grocery, or waiting in line at a coffee shop, or walking on the street and tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, and someone looked up and thought, wow she’s beautiful.

I hope you have wondered that. I hope you could believe someone could go about their day and see you from the other side of a storefront window and think you’ve got nice style or nice hair or a nice face. Statistically (although I have no numbers to back me up, it just sounds right) there’s a real chance some stranger has seen you at some arbitrary moment in the day and thought something nice about you without your knowledge.

I’ve definitely found myself coming out of the restroom, patting my hands on my jeans (because I wasn’t patient enough to dry them completely), and looking up to find a person in my line of vision who made me think, wow they are aesthetic. Why not believe someone could think the same of me?

There’s this old black and white film, Citizen Kane, considered one of the greatest films of cinema history. I understand why, though it’s not one of my favorites. However, as someone who has watched Clueless three times in one month, I might not have the greatest film discernment.

But there is a quote I love from Citizen Kane, “A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn’t think he’d remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn’t see me at all, but I’ll bet a month hasn’t gone by since that I haven’t thought of that girl.”

I think about that quote sometimes. And think, why can’t that be me carrying a white parasol, no idea I’ve made an impression on someone. And why can’t that be you?